Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Week 7 Prompt II


Check out Carolyn See Locator of Lost Persons --those short, very evocative, mysterious, and poetic grafs. Try a few of those!


You were the eye doctor my mother was having my sister and I go to. The nurse at the doctor office had given us a white plastic thing to hold over one eye so that all I could see was the white thing, and had to read letters on the opposite wall. I did not fare so well naturally, and we went to you. You seemed like a nice person, but tried to put eyedrop stuff in my eyes. I have extremely sensitive eyes, and even though you kept saying things like "It only stings a little!" I would cry out each time from the pain, as it was the most painful thing I had ever experienced second to hyperextending my pinky. He would also push lights up to my eyes so that they were touching my eyelashes, and blind me with them. And I didn't need glasses anyways, as I had already known. Felicia had been the one who needed them, not me.

"You don't need them now, but soon you will probably be like your sister. Come back next year."

We went to a different one the next year, who did not stick things in my eyes or touch my eyelashes or blind me, and who said that my eyesight was perfectly fine, but had us get glasses just in case I ever wanted them.



You were sitting at the teacher's desk when he came into our first math class. The teacher kindly informed you that he needed to use that table, and that he needed to find another place to plug his laptop in to. You seemed to have some sort of disability, as you were constantly making jokes throughout the class that were annoying the teacher. You did not return again.



You were playing on another baseball team and pitching against us. I always felt bad for your team since we always beat you by at least thirty runs with our best players playing the minimum, and players pitching for the first time. I went home on a passed ball and you fell down as you ran to cover the plate while I was sliding in, and I accidentally cleated you in the neck. I was safe, and the next time we played you pitched again, and threw 8 straight balls through my two at bats because you were mad at me and throwing as hard as you could trying to strike me out. I played with someone from your team later on the all star team for a couple of years who I thought was you. Eventually, I apologized to him for cleating him four years earlier, and he said that he was glad it hadn't been him cleated in the neck.

2 comments:

  1. This prompt is a charm--I don't think anyone has ever not done a fine job with it, which is not to say you don't deserve credit for...doing a fine job with it.

    Pronouns in the student piece: was it teacher or student who needed a place to plug in a laptop? Should it be: "and you needed to find another place to plug..."?

    Might drop last graf in the eyedoctor piece and gain a certain amount of focus and force.

    How about this as an ending (endings are vital in vignettes) for the baseball piece: " who I thought was you, so eventually, I apologized to him for cleating you four years earlier." Leaving on an indeterminate but not confusing note is a hallmark of modernist writing.

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  2. Yes, that would probably work better. It should have been "you needed", instead of "he needed". I am a little behind on all of this, sorry.

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