The coach hit the ball to right field.
Knowing the ball wouldn't be hit to us for a minute, the other left
fielder and I were conversing.
"Look!" one of the two center fielders called out, pointing behind us.
We looked around, and saw some sort of
large rodent looking creature making its lumbering way across the
field.
"What is that?" we exclaimed,
laughing.
"I think it's a muskrat," the
center fielder responded doubtfully.
"It's saying 'What yo bi—-s
doin' on my home?'" the other left fielder quipped.
"Don't go near it," the
center fielder said to the second one, "It might bite. Hey
coach!"
At the same moment, the coach happened
to noticed the large mass moving across the field.
"What the f---?" he
exclaimed, according to the catcher.
"Hey coach!" the center
fielder called again.
"I see it. What is it?"
"I think it's a muskrat."
***
"Any idea what this
skull is?" my uncle asked. "I found it down at the pond at
the lab."
"I don't know."
"Whatever it is, it has
large eye sockets."
"I think it's too large
for a cat," my sister commented.
"It looks more like a
rodent."
"What does a mouse
skull look like?" my mother asked.
"It's too large for a
mouse."
"Yes, but it has a
mousy look to it."
"Muskrat!" I
exclaimed jokingly. "That was what was on the baseball field
during a practice a couple of days ago."
***
I typed and pressed enter.
"Here it is. The
centerfielder was right, it was a muskrat that was in the field.
Here's what was on the field during the practice."
"Is that what the skull is?" my sister asked.
"Yes, here. This is
it."
"Not the one with the
huge teeth?"
"It is. The teeth fell
out."
"Oh, you're right, it
has the holes from where they were."
"Ooh, where did you get
that?" my grandmother asked.
"I found it at the pond
at the lab."
"Oh, you found it? Why
hadn't you showed it to me?"
"I only found it
yesterday."
"Oh."
"Here, do you want to
play? You can play with it."
"No, I'm fine."
"Interesting that I had
hardly heard of a muskrat before now," I said, "And now in
one week I've experienced a lot of it."
'Said' is pretty much the only verb you can respectably attach to a quotation nowadays. (Different style perhaps in some of those ancient tomes you peruse.) And almost never ever can there be an action verb with an adverb the way you do once or twice here. Modern writers want the spoken voices to carry the narrative, not to be fiddling around with quips and exclamations and comments.
ReplyDeleteReading '0 comments' but we know that isn't true!
ReplyDeleteApparently, I have been reading too many of E. Phillips Oppenheim's books recently. He never uses "said" in any of his books.
ReplyDeleteI thought he might be the man to blame. Dramatic verbs or dramatic verbs with dramatic adverbs are a temptation that must be resisted.
ReplyDeleteIn the old days of screenwriting, the writer tried to indicate how an actor should play a scene, what emotions to project, and so on--but that has become completely passe and is so in other writing as well. The action and the dialogue carry the meaning. If the dialogue is flat, no amount of 'he sneered contemptuously' or 'she simpered winningly' can save it!